I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
