Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize