this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
