he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
