You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
