he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
