Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
