I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
