ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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