so explain again why im purple
no
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
