So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
