some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
