i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
