Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
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