ugly people sure do ruin things
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
