I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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