The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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