I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
