I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
