You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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