I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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