eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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