theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There's always time for handjobs
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
