You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
