Rock
Scissors
Fuck
North Korea, Best Korea!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
