He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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