Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
