operation have a gay friend backfired
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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