You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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