I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
