That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
