All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
