I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
