have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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