We're facebook friends in real life
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
