his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
