I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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