"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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