u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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