Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Acid is not a monday night drug
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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