eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
