Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
