I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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