"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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