for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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