This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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