its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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