fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I need water and some morals
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
