he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
