Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
