so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
