Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
third nipple confirmed
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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