I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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