***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
