My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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