im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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