Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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