He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
