some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
