i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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