cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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