You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
