What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
