I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
