I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
