i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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