none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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