I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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