RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize