I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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