come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
