...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
