carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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