I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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