i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
