So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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