I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize