Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She announced her abortion via fbk
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
