Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
