Nicole vs. Life
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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