I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
