If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
