It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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